Why do we worry so much about what others think? I know this is part of being human, and it’s not always bad. We crave acceptance from others; we want our families to be proud of us and our children to respect and admire us. It’s safe to say that fear of being judged by others is very common. We all want to be loved and respected for who we are. But, when the fear of others' judgement starts hindering our day-to-day life, causing us to miss opportunities, it becomes a problem.
One of the biggest obstacles that I’ve had to overcome throughout my life is this exact thing – the fear of being judged. It has prevented me from many things throughout my life: trying new things, public speaking, workshops, conferences, teaching, and the list goes on.
I’ve learned throughout the years that life begins when we stop pleasing the audience. I have a certain set of skills that I want to share with others; all I can do is present them. Some will like it, and some won’t - but this should not affect my self-confidence or self-esteem. The truth is I can’t change what other people think of me, so why waste energy trying? I must be true to myself to achieve my purpose.
It’s also important to stop judging ourselves. Easier said than done, I know. It’s impossible to be 100% confident all the time - we all experience fear and self-doubt. But what we can do is be mindful of that inner critic and instead focus on our positive attributes and all the people we’ll be helping.
I've had to push through this fear because my passion is providing wellness tools to others. Let me tell you, it wasn’t easy. I’ve said no to many opportunities because I was terrified of speaking to large groups of people. Now I realize that pushing through has helped me overcome the fear. By exposing ourselves to fearful situations, we can overcome the fear. I’m not saying that I no longer get nervous. My heart still races when I start. I might even sweat a little, but it’s much easier than when I first started.
Cultivating positivity is another technique we can use. Writing affirmations has helped me to restore self-confidence and my self-worth. Recognizing our unique qualities and skills makes us better equipped to remain unscathed from external judgment. When I’m confident in myself, my abilities, and my knowledge, I’m more likely to follow the advice that “other people’s opinions are none of my business.”
Use your affirmations to solidify your belief that you know what you’re doing and can succeed.
I also like to get it over with. I’ve found that the anxiety I feel before and during the speech dissipates as soon as the speech ends. Therefore, I often volunteer to go first. This way I’ll feel anxious for the shortest time possible.
In the end, I just had to start saying yes. This way, I couldn’t back out, and I’ve found that it’s never as scary as I think it will be. Mostly, the people who attend are willing and excited to be there. They know what you will be speaking about and are genuinely interested. And if I stumble on the way up or forget what I was talking about, that’s ok! I can laugh at myself and continue. If we perform confidently and trust in our abilities, our audience will too!
We will never regret the things we tried, only the things that we didn’t!
Until next time…push through the fear, what’s on the other side is sweet freedom!