From birth to adulthood there are so many different stages that this relationship endures. It can be a roller coaster! But, oh how we fall in love with that little girl! Does this mean it is an easy ride? Absolutely not!!
I love this quote:
“Having a little girl has been like following an old treasure map with the important paths torn away.” Heather Gudenkauf
These relationships often go like this:
Stage 1 – Your daughter loves you, admires you, thinks you are the most beautiful, smart woman in the whole world. She loves to play with your hair, cuddle, and be in your arms. You can do no wrong.
Stage 2 – Everything you do is wrong! You are so embarrassing, every word out of your mouth is stupid. And please, do not kiss or hug her goodbye in public.
Stage 3 – “Are you really going to wear that? Why does your hair look like that? Omg, mom, why do you do your make-up like that? Can you please walk on the other side of the street?
Stage 4 – Bedroom door slams… “you are so unfair! Why is my curfew so early compared to Ashley’s? I with I had Ashley’s mom for a mom - she is so much cooler than you are! I hate you!” (Teenagers… insert eye roll here)
Stage 5 – Who is this girl? What happened to that sweet little girl that was so happy, smiled all the time, and liked me? It’s like she’s been possessed!
Stage 6 – I see glimpses of the girl I once knew. “Did she just say thankyou and set the table without me asking? Don’t say anything, that will blow it!”
Stage 7 – Comes in the door, “Hi mom. How was your day?” and wait for it, she hugs you!!
Stage 8 – Thanks you for everything you’ve done for her, asks for help with choosing Universities, relationship advice, wants to hang out with you.
Stage 9 – Moves out and becomes your best friend.
All kidding aside, it tends to go a little bit like this. So yes, it can be a rocky road for many of us. It’s complicated, messy, dramatic, but such is life raising a daughter. I wouldn’t have had it any other way!
There are so many different dynamics involved when raising a daughter. I think the relationship you had or have with your own mother can impact the road this relationship will take. Whether your relationship with your mother was healthy or not, we must decide what type of role model we want to be to our precious daughters.
Raising daughters in today's world is tough. There is more access to social media which can really impact our daughter’s self-esteem and self-confidence. Comparing themselves to what they see can be very detrimental. As we “older folk” know, what we see is most times, not the truth. There are all kinds of tricks out there that can make us look prettier, skinnier, etc.
How do we raise strong, authentic, confident daughters that stand in their truth? How do we teach our daughters that other people's opinions and judgments should never affect their own sense of self-worth? This is a tough one.
There is no quick answer to this. All of us women, even the most confident and assured, have moments of self-doubt, the crisis of confidence, and self-esteem issues. The key is to be conscious of when we’re in that space. If we are mindful and aware, then there are tools we can implement to break the cycle.
Everything is about our thoughts. We must remain present to identify “good-feeling thoughts and bad-feeling thoughts.” Once we are aware of these thoughts, we can use different techniques to change negative thoughts to positive, good-feeling thoughts. Teach your children this!
We can break the cycle by taking a deep breath from the abdomen, and on the exhale repeat, “relax the muscles in my jaw, neck, and shoulders, and let them relax.” Repeat this five times and follow up with an affirmation. We can use gratitude throughout the day, this is a wonderful tool for developing a positive mindset. We can practice meditation; this helps to understand our emotions and feelings and healthily communicate them. We must teach them to always focus on what they have and not what they don’t have; this applies to our skills, possessions, and our positive attributes. Teach your children to journal at a young age. This is an excellent outlet for emotions and an excellent form of therapy.
All these strategies need to be implemented into our daily routine. If we give our girls these techniques at a young age, they will be better prepared to understand and process their emotions, have healthy self-esteem, and manage their worries and stress as they grow.
There are many more activities, exercises, meditations, and techniques included in my book, Empowering our Future.” This resource is meant to help parents raise strong, confident, compassionate, and resilient kids.
My only advice is to hang on for the ride and be there consciously - this means putting down your devices when your daughter wants to talk, and always making sure they know you love them unconditionally! Through the pre-teen and teen years let them know you are always there for them and give them the space they need! And know, this too shall pass!
Until next time….