All of us come into this world with shadows - those shadows shade us with their darkness when we least expect it. When we’re struggling or in times of crisis, I feel that these shadows become the most apparent. Our shadows, I believe, are great teachers. It’s important to let them surface and become aware of them, so we can learn and grow. As the saying goes, “when we know better, we do better.”
One of the greatest shadows that I’ve had to overcome on my journey is judgement. I have judged others, compared myself to them, and deemed myself as not “good enough” because I didn’t have the title, make as much money, or look the same as others. I’ve come to realize that when I judge others, I’m also judging myself. In the past, I’ve been terribly judgemental of myself. I’m not saying I’m past all that now; there’s nothing farther from the truth. I still catch myself in judgemental thoughts daily - the difference is, I’m now conscious of them and try to improve.
Judgement prevents us from living a healthy lifestyle. When I’m in these thoughts, it prevents me from experiencing peace, joy, and overall well-being. It may also have a negative effect on our physical health leading to stress, anxiety and anger. Frankly, when I’m judging others it lowers my energy and self-esteem.
I think judgement is a habit; habits are made to be broken. We’re all human and with that, we all have strong opinions. We’re entitled to our own opinions; however, being judgemental makes us self-critical.
What are some ways we can derail the judgement train?
· Be aware of how your judgement can be harmful. Consider if the comment will hurt someone or help them. If your comment will result in a positive change, then go for it.
· Focus on the specific situation rather than people’s personality traits. For example, if someone cuts in line at the grocery store, instead of immediately thinking they’re rude and selfish, consider the fact that they might be running late for something (A meeting, picking up a child from school, etc.)
· Practice gratitude regularly. This helps train our brains to cultivate a positive mindset. This way we’ll start to see the good in people instead of the bad.
· If I’m making a judgement, I like to ask myself “how does this affect my life and why does it matter to me?” If it doesn’t affect me personally, then I don’t say it.
· Be open to growth and new perspectives. We should always be learning and changing. If we’re not open to changing some of our opinions then we’re not learning and growing.
· Focus more on compassion rather than judgements. If we try to understand others perspectives and focus on kindness then there will be less talk about other people and judgements placed on them.
The train of life. Sometimes the train is at high-speed and rough, other times it’s wonderfully smooth and easy. It may be overcrowded, empty, or dark. One thing for sure, is you never know where that track may lead – so hold on for the ride and may the train always lead you back home.
Until next time… life is about the journey and the destination and what is important is having the right passengers along the way.