It’s a black dog kind of day…I’ve been having a difficult time this last little while. My heart has been aching for my children. As kind of a newbie to this empty nest thing, I’m wondering if it gets easier.
As mothers and fathers, our lives revolve around our children for so many years. From birth until they're adults, and all the stages in-between, our children rely on us for different reasons. We’re there to help them learn how to think for themselves, make good choices, help with homework, take them to extra-curricular activities, and try to raise strong resilient children who will be able to face the world and all its hardships once they’re on their own… the list goes on! We all do the best we can to prepare them for life!
And then… poof, they’re gone! And the question becomes, “who are we without our children?” For years our role and our identity, have been “mom” or “dad.” I think once this change happens in our life there is a whole lot of self-discovery to be done. Maybe this is the time when our whole world can revolve around us. Rediscovering ourselves, investigating what activities bring us joy, perhaps we want to take a class and learn something new!
It’s especially difficult when our children live in different cities. There are times I feel that I’ve been robbed of the joy of having your children pop in every once in a while, to say “hi” or come by for dinner. Both our children live far enough away in different cities, so, this isn’t a possibility. I’m lucky to see them a few times a year.
Don’t get me wrong - I don’t want them to move back home! HA. I actually enjoy being an empty nester, but there are definitely times I wish we lived in the same city. (Well, all the time).
We are very proud of who our children have become. They are extremely independent and live their lives fearlessly. This is a quality that I greatly admire. It brings me great joy knowing that they have followed their dreams and are living their best life (and don’t need me) I guess that means I did my job right!
Here’s the thing, no matter where our children are in the world, I think it’s important to stay intentionally connected once they’re gone. We are very lucky to have all kinds of technology out there that can allow this to happen. We all have phones and texting is at our fingertips. Skype, Zoom, Facetime - these are all wonderful ways to stay connected and actually see their sweet faces, especially if you are in different cities.
I guess I’m feeling a bit nostalgic because Thanksgiving is right around the corner. And, the thing that I’m most grateful for is my children. Although we may not live near each other we communicate regularly, and they are still a huge part of our lives.
So, to all you parents and caregivers out there, I urge you to spend as much time together with them as possible while they are still home. Time goes so very fast and there will come a time when they’re not crawling up on your laps and snuggling in. There will come a time when they move on with their own lives and have different priorities. So, hug them tight while you can, play games, go outside, take them on holidays - do whatever you can to build that connection and foundation that is needed. This way, when they are grown-ups and you’re sitting across the table from them, the foundation for connection has been formed which opens the doors for communication and a healthy, supportive relationship.
Until next time…hug a child