September is a challenging time of year for many parents and youth. Parents are tasked with back-to-school transitions. Our kids have been off their usual schedule and basically had no routine for the last couple of months. The return to school is usually accompanied by a variety of emotions and behaviours. (For parents too, HA) Regardless, it’s a significant change.
With quieter children, it’s sometimes difficult to know if your child is having a hard time with this transition. A good rule of thumb is to think about how your child typically reacts when stressed, and look for those behaviours. For example, headaches and stomach aches are indicators of anxiety, so be aware if they start having them more frequently.
What can we, as parents and caregivers, do to help this transition go as smoothly as possible? How can we support our children and youth at the end of the day when they crash and burn?
With younger children, it’s sometimes difficult to express big emotions. Typically, these are the times after school when they lash out or have tantrums - hitting and kicking may be a part of it. It’s important to let them know that some things are OK and some things are not OK in terms of behaviour. We can tell them that it’s OK to be upset, mad, or scared and let them know how important it is to feel their emotions, but physical harm is not OK anytime.
With youth and teens, it’s not as easy to recognize what’s going on. They generally keep to themselves and are not as eager to share. I’ve found when you pry, ask too many questions, or want to know everything; it usually makes things worse. Of course, every teen is different, so it depends on how they handle things in general. Depending on the child, giving them some space can be good, but we can still always say things like, “You know I’m around. I’ll be in my bedroom if you want to talk.” As long as we keep reassuring them that we’re here for them, they will reach out when they feel comfortable.
I think it’s imperative to have honest and open discussions with them. If they’re apprehensive about returning to school, ask them what they’re worried about. Then, provide emotional support with strategies such as deep breathing and affirmations.
It’s also important to point out the positives when they’re in a negative cycle. It’s always fun to give a name to the negativity. In my classes, we’ll name our worries or fears “Negative Nellie,” which seems to ease some of their worries and turn their thought process around.
Listening and validating are also key. If your child reaches out and says they’re struggling, be sure to consciously listen and give them your undivided attention. If we show empathy and compassion, it’ll help to make them feel understood; then we can introduce problem-solving skills that will help them face their fears. We can work together to identify a few possible solutions and then let them pick which one they think would work best! If this solution doesn’t work, then try a different one!
When we drop our children off or see them to the bus, we must remain calm. Make sure we have a relaxed face, body, and calming voice. If they feel we are at ease, they'll conclude that it must be a safe and protected place for them.
Lastly, routine, rules, and boundaries at home are critical. If a child doesn’t have a regular bedtime or get the proper amount of sleep, it’ll be difficult for them to cope with anything. A bedtime meditation is a perfect way to transition them into a peaceful night’s sleep.
To all the parents and caregivers out there, you got this! Thanks for reading, and I hope there was at least 1 thing you could take away!
Until next time…love to all!